Creation vs Destruction

When things are constantly changing, how should you know when you should add something new into your life, or subtract something? Should you leave your job and start a new career, or try and make it work? How do you know when a relationship has run it's course? What are the hidden costs of some of life's biggest decisions? In this week's audio-essay we look at life decisions through the lens of Creation, Destruction and Maintenance.

Intro Excerpt from: Donnie Darko (2001)

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Transcript

Intro excerpt:
Perhaps with your recent brush with mass destruction, you can give us your opinion. Well, they say it right when they flood the house and they tear it to shreds. That, like destruction, is a form of creation. So the fact that they burn the money is ironic. They just want to see what happens when they tear the world apart. I want to change things. 

3s You have found the Thinking Mind podcast. 4s 

Welcome back to the Thinking Mind Podcast. My name is Alex. I'm a consultant psychiatrist. 

Something I like doing on the podcast is looking at life through different lenses to see how it can inform the approach we take to different parts of our lives. Today, we're going to be looking at life through the lens of creation, destruction and maintenance and overall change, and the implications of this perspective for how we make choices in our lives. This is the Thinking Mind Podcast, a podcast all about psychiatry, psychotherapy, psychology, self-development, and related topics. If you want to support the podcast, you can follow us on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. Give us a rating, share it with a friend, or if you want to support us further, you can check out the Buy Me a Coffee link in the description. 10s Often, especially when things become difficult, we find ourselves at impasses or forks in the road, and we can be faced with a choice between destruction and creation. Should we end the relationship or should we continue building it? Should we change careers or stay with the one we currently have? Is it time to sell the business? Is it time to bend down and I'll put it to a system and start again? Sometimes it's not even our choice. Without careful attention and proactive efforts, destructive or chaotic change happens automatically. We see this in physics, for example, in the second law of thermodynamics, which states that in any energy transfer or transformation, the total entropy of an isolated system always increases over time, and that's associated with the tendency for systems to move towards a state of disorder or chaos. In philosophy, the Greek philosopher Heraclitus is often associated with this idea of change. His famous for the statement quote no man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river, and he's not the same man, unquote. Which encapsulates this idea that everything is always in a state of flux. 1s Meanwhile, the teachings of Buddhism emphasized the impermanence of everything and the concept of samsara, which refers to a continuous cycle of birth, life, death, and rebirth. 1s In Buddhism. It's a central idea that change is constant, but that we often hold the delusion that things will remain constant and permanent. And then we cling to the solution of constancy, which makes us very unhappy and causes a lot of suffering for us. That being the case in any particular situation, we're faced with one of four choices. A. To actively build or create something. B to try and maintain things the way they are as much as possible, allowing for the fact that time will exact certain changes regardless of what we do see. To let go and fully allow entropy and chaos to take its full effect, or d to actively destroy, subtract or remove something from the equation. Seeing life through this lens can help us make certain difficult decisions more easily, but only if we fully understand the implications of these choices. Therefore, in this podcast I'm going to be discussing creation, maintenance and destruction in more depth. 1s Firstly, let's look at creation or building something new. Creation can look like starting a new course at university. Trying to put our muscle at the gym. Entering a new relationship. Learning to play an instrument or starting a new business. Although some people are inherently more creative and have a higher tendency to build things, and others, the ability to create and adapt is one of the distinguishing features of being human. People often think that creativity is something that people either have or do not, but actually the ability to build and create a skill that we can cultivate across time. 1s The more things we've built, the easier it is to build something in the future, because we understand the general principles of building or creation. Creation or building is really about producing something entirely new. But generally it's about making new combinations, like developing new skills, which you can combine with your existing skills. Finding a new outlet for an old pain or beginning to share your life with a new person. 1s Creation is an iterative process, meaning itrillionequires. Many repetitions most often failed repetitions to produce something of any value. This applies to art. For example, an accomplished artist has probably thrown away many more paintings in the bin than an amateur just starting out. But it's also applies to our biology and our very physical bodies. For example, a bodybuilder has literally spent years in the gym working his muscles to the point of failure in order to build his physique. The idea of creation can of course be very seductive. And often when we witness something spectacular, like a great film or an amazing athletic achievement, we acutely feel moved to produce something of ourselves. And this is called inspiration. The problem is that to meaningfully build or create something takes a huge investment of time and energy. And often when people get started with whatever it is they are inspired to do, they become rapidly very aware of the huge chasm between where they are and where they're inspired to go. And they become disheartened and stop trying. But if only we lessened the pressure and lowered the expectations a bit and gave ourselves enough time, there's no limit to what we're able to accomplish. 1s This idea is captured in the expression. People tend to overestimate what they can do in one year, but underestimate what they can do in ten years. 1s To truly build something new in our lives requires more than inspiration. We need to have a strong intention, a vision, an ability to manage motivation as it ebbs and flows over time. We need to be able to measure our results because that's a huge factor that keeps us motivated. And if we are lucky, will also find that as we begin to cultivate whatever it is we're trying to cultivate, we develop an underlying passion. And that's the real fuel that will keep us going for years and decades. 2s That being said, because it's so difficult when you're trying to build or create or add something new to your life, it is important to interrogate what our deepest motivations might be. Why exactly do we want to start that company? Why do we want to study law? Why are we looking for that romantic relationship? 1s This is important because our primary motivations are not always obvious to us, and they might not be coming from the healthiest places psychologically. And often the ultimate outcome of a given endeavor is in some ways a reflection of our original, deepest, darkest motivations. If you want to study law, the process that takes typically 5 to 6 years because you feel it's the best way to make your parents approve of you, you're building a house on shaky foundations. If, however, you want to study law because you did a summer internship in a law firm and found and found it engrossing and exciting, then that's a different story. 1s In general, the kind of building or creative activity that is sustainable enough to produce meaningful results and improve our lives is sustainable because it's based on something we truly love and are fascinated by or care about. And it's that love, fascination, and care that allows us through the inevitable hard times. When creation becomes more difficult, when we must do boring maintenance as we shall see, or when we become tempted to destroy or remove something from our lives. Next, let's talk about maintenance. 1s The first thing to say about maintenance is we simply don't talk about it enough. If things are going well. Maintenance is a hardly visible background process that makes sure everything we're lucky enough to have is running smoothly. In fact, the importance of maintenance is totally invisible when everything is running smoothly, but stands out in sharp relief when everything starts to fall apart. Maintenance, of course, doesn't have the glamour of creation or the seductiveness of destruction. Yet it is arguably the most important of the three processes we're discussing today. For example, when it comes to romance, all of the focus in our culture is put on finding the new relationship or finding the quote, right person or finding your soulmate. We barely discuss what it means to build and maintain a relationship, what maintaining a healthy relationship looks like, what kind of effort it requires to maintain a common vision with that person. To remain empathic with that person. To make sure you have enough healthy conflict to keep levels of resentment low. To proactively do things, to keep attraction high. Similarly, when it comes to managing weight and obesity. Most of the focus is on going on a diet or making the big transformation, and almost none of the attention is put on the day after the diet ends. How you should eat every day for the rest of your life. And this is one of the main reasons, of course, that diets tend to fail. Most of our lives are spent in maintenance and maintenance. Looks like going for a walk, brushing your teeth, eating chicken salads, eating chicken salad again. Working within a system you or someone else has built, or having that conversation you know you need to have with your partner because maintenance is highly discussed. Most of us don't really know what's required to maintain the different aspects of our lives. And this is particularly pertinent when it comes to the parts of our lives which are abstract, such as our financial health, our friendships, or the state of our long term relationships. Maintenance works best when it's done regularly, and generally follows the rule that you can either experience a small amount of discomfort regularly to do your maintenance, or experience a huge amount of discomfort further down the line all at once if you don't do your maintenance regularly enough. This is something we called the economy of Comfort, and that's an idea we made reference to in our previous audio essay about delayed gratification. 1s And finally, we'll discuss destruction or subtraction. 2s Destruction can be a lot easier than creation. It can require energy, of course, but because it tends to be a much faster process than creation, it tends to require a lot less overall energy, and it also requires a lot less focus and gumption. Destruction or subtraction can look like deciding to end a relationship or a friendship. Quitting your job. Deciding to stop using drugs or leaving your country of origin. Destruction, of course, appeals to our dark sides. The part of us that's looking for chaos as a way of rebelling against the order that we impose on ourselves, or the order imposed on us by others or by society. Destruction tends to produce more instant gratification than creation. The results are fast, and destruction tends to require less cognitive power. 1s Human beings are biased towards negative emotions and experiences, and this can predispose us to destructive behaviors. This can look like self-destructive behavior or self-sabotage. For example, the Oscar slap that was heard around the world all behavior that's destructive towards others, like violence and war. 1s All behavior that's destructive towards relationships, such as when we decide to turn away from others or turn away from the world. Depending on our personalities, some of us may turn to destruction or subtraction much faster than others. It may be in someone's nature to see whatever the problem is as somehow out there, and for the more emotionally sensitive among us, retreating inwards may seem like the only place that's safe. Some of us are very reluctant to destroy or remove because it makes us feel guilty, and certainly a huge part of Western culture. Be it because of capitalist economies or other reasons, seems to view addiction as synonymous with success and downsizing as a sure indication of failure. Regardless of what your predisposition might be or what your culture might tell you, sometimes destruction may be the way forward. Of course, it's hardly possible to guarantee a right answer to any decision in your life, because unfortunately, there's no answer in the back of the book. But here are some indicators that subtraction might be the way forward. Firstly, if the thing you're considering subtracting is taking away more than it's giving and that could be time, money, energy, fulfilment or satisfaction. Secondly, if it's becoming the sole focus of your life and becoming the dominant umbrella under which you make all your decisions, this is very typical of addictions. 1s Thirdly, if people you trust would agree that the thing you are considering subtracting has become a significant problem in your life. And lastly, if attempts to streamline or put in place sensible boundaries have failed. For example, if you've tried to set boundaries with your abusive employer, but they still continue to contact you out of hours to try and get you to get things done. 1s Just like with creation, you should carefully interrogate your motivations when you're thinking about destruction or subtraction as a way of tackling a problem. Just like you shouldn't build something into your life for the approval of others. You generally don't want to engage in subtraction or destruction for the purposes of revenge, inflicting pain on others, or inflicting pain on yourself, even if on some level you feel you deserve it. The decision to remove something from your life should be planned and thought out, and not impulsive or based on emotions in the heat of the moment. One other caution when it comes to destruction, the nature of our attention is such that often when we've grown weary of something in our lives, we can only remember the pain it has brought us. Therefore, before removing something from your life, it's important to force your mind to actively recall all the good that that thing has brought you and whether this is truly outweighed by the pain. The main caveat to today's discussion is, of course, that to some degree, destruction, maintenance and creation are not exactly separate, but they're all intimately linked and tied together, just like life and death. Like yin and yang. Like chaos and order. Destruction is often a necessary precursor to creation. Creation often requires destruction at some point along the way. We discussed this in a previous audio city wide growth as hard. So to conclude today's podcast, The Act of Creation. Building something and maintaining it is a very time consuming and energy expensive process. Therefore, you should choose carefully what you want to build into your life and regularly audit. If you feel what you're getting out of something is worth the focus and energy that you're putting into it, and that whatever you're building is based on what you really value. Maintenance is a mostly invisible but extremely important process. Maintenance is where we spend most of our lives, and often people fail in self improvement because they failed to make the transition from creation to maintenance. Destruction or subtraction is a dangerous yet often overlooked option when it comes to problems in our lives. Modern culture tends to steer us away from destruction because it's seen as a sign of aggression or failure. Some people are predisposed towards destruction and others are predisposed away from it. But whatever the case is for you, removing something from your life can be a hidden way forward for you, providing it's done in a thoughtful, compassionate, and planned out way. What about you? What are you considering creating or building? What are you having trouble maintaining? What are you thinking about removing? 1s Do you agree with what we've discussed today? If you have any feedback, you can email us at Thinking Mind Podcast at gmail.com. 

This is the Thinking Minds Podcast, a podcast all about psychiatry, psychotherapy, psychology, self-development and related topics. If you want to support the podcast, you can follow us on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. Give us a rating, share it with a friend or if you want to support us further, you can check out the Buy Me a Coffee link in the description. Thanks for listening.